Lately the temperature's spiked up and it seems like it came out of nowhere. I've had some trouble figuring out why it's been so weird for me going to school in shorts and a t-shirt, and today I realized why. When looking back on this entire experience, obviously, what I remember least is the beginning. This probably doesnt sound very odd at first, but taking into account that from December on I remember things down to their littlest details, I just couldnt make any sense of it. But then while sitting in the sun today I wondered why lately everything's been reminding me of the beginning, and then it all tied together.
The first three months for me was a sort of "reboot" stage for me, like a knowing baby opening her eyes to the world for the first time. Everything was so exciting and new and beautiful and just different that my head felt like a baloon inflated to its maximum capacity. The only way I could stop my thoughts from bouncing around in my head at night, which actually wouldn't let me sleep, no matter how tired I was, was blocking them out by listening to music. Then, at some point in the beginning of winter, my mind suddenly opened up, like a jar of jam when you first take the top off, realeasing many of the cultural "instincts" I had locked into my system in America and letting a large flow of thoughts, ideas, images, everything run smoothly, yet at a high velocity, through my mind. I remember studying for a History test in that period, and I simply absorbed it all without really having to put any effort into it. I found myself really inspired and interested in my surroundings, and I guess that was the point where everything started coming to me easily language-wise, and from that point on I remember everything pretty clearly. So the first question was, why dont I remember the beginning that well? Wasn't that the most exciting part? But that's just it. A closed mind filled with so much activity can only take in so much, and I'm not surprised that the first months went by so quickly, because I was so occupied trying to figure out how it all worked again, that the time just passed in front of my eyes. Finding out where the weird tupperware went that I had never seen before and just taken out of the dishwasher was much more important at that point than discovering a small bookstore in San Sebastian that happened to be the same one that my host dad goes to, coincidentially. I suppose being a bit of a perfeccionist didnt help me too much with taking it easy, because later I realized that speaking a new language isn't a book of grammer and vocabulary, that's writing, but I already knew how to do that well enough. Speaking is trial and error, having people correct you and figuring out the little tricks that help you tie it all together, even though later those tricks later are impossible to explain. And then I noticed that that wasn't just a language thing, but socially it's practically the same. Taking a loose, calm attitude toward things, watching and reading the actions and interactions of my peers, and just throwing myself in there without really knowing what I was doing, in the end turned out working pretty well for me.
Now, going back to the original questions, the other one was, as stated in the title, why does the nice weather remind me so much of my experiences 7 months ago? Well, it's pretty simple taking everything into account. After the first three months, or my "eye-opening" stage, I had slowly begun to feel more of a "belonging" to my surroundings and less of an object that "stood out" so much. Of course, it had at that point started to get pretty cold outside, so what I was getting used to being a part of, subconciously, included the cold. It doesnt seem like that big of a detail, but the heat and the sun and walking to school when it's actually light out again, well, it all gives me a "familiar" feeling, as if it were something I used to always love a long time ago, as a young child, when in reality it wasnt that long ago at all. And so in this manner I discovered that that moment when my mind opened up, it wasnt just some part of the experience thing. Something actually changed at that point, within, that affected me a lot beyond just a clearer head, and reached the memories I have associated with some of the best sensations, such as waking up to feel warmth seeping in through the window, even before the sun's up, or the feeling of walking to school in shorts and still starting to sweat, or even just how great it feels to walk into a cool apartment entrance after spend the past few hours under the beating sun and smelling that musty air as I slowly walk up the reddish stairs, a walk i've done so many times, and yet every time, it feels a tiny bit different.
