A classmate asked me today whether I felt truly American, and, well the answer I gave him was no. All my life I've felt like a foreigner, a European raised in America. I've always stressed the fact that my heritage is from the other side of the Atlantic, that I wasn't even born in America. Of course, I've spent a good deal of time with family in their respective countries, listening and speaking (in Germany) in the language, experiencing the culture, eating the food, etc. especially when I spent two years in The Netherlands where my grandparents' house was just an hour away, but it's not quite the same. Sure, I have customs, mannerisms, ways of doing things that are very much German or Turkish, and I've been educated to compose myself like a German with the Germans and a Turk with the Turks, but as soon as I left home everything I would do was completely American. I learned the American school system, studied the American government, spoke American English (New Jersey style if we want to get specific), pledged to an American flag (which I actually stopped doing in middle school for my personal reasons (respectfully, of course)), watched American movies, played sports the American way, celebrated American holidays, I could go on forever. Of course, this entered in the home too, it wasn't like I suddenly went to Europe when I entered the front door.
The point I'm trying to make is, I often felt uncomfortable telling people I was American. I'd go into a large ramble about how my mom's German, my dad's Turkish, I was born in Canada and my brother in England, expressing my extreme pride for my heritage every time someone asked my where I'm from. I'd even written about memories of sitting on my grandparents' balcony eating apricots and frozen bananas on a hot afternoon in Istanbul and watching the cows from my grandparents' back lawn in Germany in a "Where I'm From" poem in the sixth grade. I had a lot of trouble differentiating between where I'm from and who I am, and although heritage is important, and all of those memories in the end count very much to who I become and where I've come from, the question, "Where are you from?" has changed a great deal over the past few years for me, due to not only mindset but also location. In short, I never really felt American. That is, until I arrived here.
One of the first large observations I made here was how much of an accent I had (have, I don't know about regularly but now and then I say something with such an American accent I feel like I'm speaking English) I used to think I had a decent accent and I found it a little amusing when I'd hear some of my classmates speak spanish with such an American accent it almost seemed on purpose. It wasn't my spanish accent that really caught me off guard, that one I had coming for me. It was the American accent I have that all of a sudden sounded so weird, so different...
The reason I bring up the accent is because one day I was explaning to a Canadian friend I have here that comes from French-Canada how I don't really consider myself an American, and she basically told me that to her I am American, I have the accent, the customs, I grew up there. And for the next few days that conversation stuck with me. I slowly began to realize that, well, it's not where my parents are from, its not where my granparents are from, nor is it the blood they passed on to me that gives me any certain nationality.
In the end I didn't give my classmate a good answer today. It wasn't well-thought-out, either, just a habitual answer I was so used to giving for that question, but I've come to quite the conclusion. I'm much less European than the Italian guy that came for a trimester or the Belgian girl I became good friends with. I floated toward an American friend (who, although from across the country, shares many of the same types of observations, notices the same little oddities, even likes the same manner of saying certain words as me) whenever I felt a little left out or didn't know what was going on during the orientations for a reason: something familiar. Something I could relate to. Something American, just like me.
I'd like to clarify that in the above post solely my opinions are being posted. It has been written without intention to offend in any manner and I am in absolutely no way stating that I feel there is anything wrong with being American nor is there a problem with feeling like a foreigner. This is simply a matter of opinion and open to discussion, however I hope everyone understands the angle I am taking here and am merely writing to express prior and present mindsets and don't mean to impose on the mindsets of others. Thank you for understanding.
